Monday, 5 May 2014

Collateral Damage

Source: Wikipedia
According to Wikipedia, collateral damage is damage to things that are incidental to the intended target. This term is a military term and many times you must have heard it in political situations and in movies about war and politics. What’s more interesting about this term is, it happens to us in real life even when we are neither in politics nor in military.


How many times have we cut off certain relationships when we are going through grief? Many times. It’s easy to share happiness and it’s infinitely difficult to share sorrows. Even though it’s said that happiness increases and pain decreases when you share those feelings with your near and dear ones, it takes herculean efforts to follow through the latter. And when we fail in that and ignore our relationships, those people in our life end up being collateral damage.

Collateral damage to the situations that were beyond our and their control.

Few years back, I went through a harrowing phase of life that made me run away from everything. Not literally but mentally. I couldn’t relate to my friends, to my family. I couldn’t talk with them and they couldn’t understand me. That’s grief. Mind-numbing grief. Then I gained my senses. I realized what I was doing. Even though my grief wasn’t abated, I realized that running away from the feelings is not the answer.

The only thing we can do to stop turning the people we love into collateral damages is to find comfort in the small things they do for us. Of course this may not change the situation for us but when you are finally over that phase, you will have someone to care for, something to live for.

And for the people who became collateral damage by their loved ones, they have to move on. Yes, it’s difficult to do it but sometimes that’s the only thing you can do for yourself, for your sanity. Put yourself first because without you, there’s no meaning left in any relationship. It’s you who’s equally important in the relationship, and it doesn’t make sense to get abused for the situations that are beyond your control. It’d be painful but necessary. Necessary for your pride, necessary for your self-respect.

Straighten up your spine and move on. Being collateral damage is never fun nor is making anyone that.

22 comments:

  1. This is such an honest post! I know a lot of us can relate to this. Thanks for sharing!

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  2. To build a sustaining relationship we clutter around a lot of collateral damages. We hurt a lot of people who love us just to keep the person happy whom we love.
    But the best thing is in the real need the people who love us they come forward to help us out.
    Nice post. :)

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    1. Yes...we cause collateral damage when our selfish love runs over our loved ones. Thanks for reading :)

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  3. I agree Pankti , but sometimes collateral damage is beyond our control. We need to let a few people walk out of our lives, intentionally - to see the full picture.
    Very nicely written though. Thoughtful post :)

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    1. Thanks Bhavya...btw, is it easy to see them walk away? :)

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  4. Hmmmm...very nicely written....at times we are bounded to let go of people we loved and find no ways to stop them..Only our heart knows that collateral damage happened to relationship or us ???

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  5. Hmmmm...very nicely written....at times we are bounded to let go of people we loved and find no ways to stop them..Only our heart knows that collateral damage happened to relationship or us ???

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    1. Yes...even we become collateral damage along with the relationship :) Thanks for reading :)

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  6. Depression is a symptom that all of us go through at one point of life. It is unfortunate that people don't recognise depression as a form of illness and instead choose to consider it a state of mind (having a look at a MRI scan of a brain suffering from depression is evidence enough as it is highly contrasted from that of a person with normal brain function). At such times, there is no collateral damage, all suffer equally: the one in depression and the one who loves the person in question). Such a state needs to be treated with care rather than abandon the entire situation to gods grace.

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  7. Nice word, thank for sharing

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  8. This is an interesting take on the term of collateral damage at the mental or decision making level. The point of discussion would be how did you break the cycle. That would be an interesting look into the operation of the mind.

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    1. Nothing much to discuss about that. You cry and move on. It takes time but after certain period of time, it stops hurting :)

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